Ashley Jamesのインスタグラム(ashleylouisejames) - 4月25日 05時47分

I was watching the Love Is Blind Reunion other other day and I was SHOCKED at how much the presenter kept asking couples if they were going to have a baby. "Are you trying?" She kept asking. Now, not only do we know it's an incredibly sensitive topic as we just don't know what is going on behind the scenes, it also seems to insinuate that having a baby is the only option. And I think it's really important we recognise being childfree as a legitimate choice for people, but especially women.

Choosing to be childfree (or single should be seen as a legitimate choice and is not a sign of failure. The media and society defines women by the men they are with and whether they have children in a way that they do not with men. See the treatment of Jennifer Aniston! In her own words: "{it perpetuates the} notion that women are somehow incomplete, unsuccessful, or unhappy if they're not married with children. Everyone is complete with or without a mate."

But do you know what's funny, a recent study showed that the happiest group of people are single, unmarried, childfree women? It's not what society would have us believe at all. But it's true. Men NEED relationships to be happy. Women don't.

The term 'selfish' also comes up a lot when a woman chooses not to have children. It's a narrative that isn't pushed on men. Or a woman is too 'picky' if she hasn't settled down. But surely choosing who to be in a relationship with and/or who to have babies with should be celebrated and should be something we *should* be very picky about?

So having sat on both sides, as someone who was a single, childfree girl in my 30s living my life travelling and putting my love into friends - and now with the man of my dreams and two beautiful babies - I'd say that I am happy and complete in both. Just in different ways. I've had to relearn a new happy and complete.

That said, I'm so grateful every day now to be a mum and I love this version of me. I'm more understanding and softer. But we need to stop assuming everyone wants the same happily ever after and stop the double standards narrative - because a woman is so much more than her relationship status and whether she has children. ❤️🙏

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