レイシー・バンハードさんのインスタグラム写真 - (レイシー・バンハードInstagram)「I get to the vipassana centre, we go into a group meeting, they explain that the next 10 days will be in silence, no talking or any form of communication. No reading, writing, phones. Nothing but 10 hours of mediation a day. We are free to leave at any time but do not leave, you should not leave to get the full experience. After, I get taken me into a meeting with our teacher, which I thought was strange as no one else had been called. She tells me that it’s okay to quit, after just being told not to quit, she explains that I do not have to push myself and if I need to quit I should (she read my form and even from her experience my traumas may be too much to face) .. I replied letting her know that I am not a quitter. She repeats that it’s okay to quit and that it doesn’t mean I failed. I assured her that I will not be quitting. I leave. Here I discovered the bliss and the hell your mind is capable of creating. I felt like I was going insane. Maybe she was right and I can’t do this. Get me out of here! I was close to quitting a few times, if I had my car I probably would’ve. You can meet with the teacher for a few minutes a day if you choose to. Day 1 I was broken. I told her that this is harder than I imagined & that it hurt. The battle was real! The levels of pain were excruciating. The continual thoughts & flashbacks from childhood that I had erased. I was screaming internally & externally my body was jittering. They say it is trauma leaving the body. Here I learned the term equanimous. In essence it’s to sit with the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ without becoming attached to it. I was met with so many different parts of me, I sat with my heartbreak. I finally understood it was broken from a young child and that it had cemented over time to keep me safe. I witnessed that I was re-creating these painful experiences in all areas of my life. It felt like a hospital, I was the patient. They called it brain surgery - the most fitting analogy. These beliefs ran so deep for so long, the mind had believed that I was them, I recognised I wasn’t .. by the end I didn’t want to break the silence.. I felt different.. People noticed. Part 3 incoming ..」11月22日 9時01分