Ashley Jamesのインスタグラム(ashleylouisejames) - 5月2日 05時20分

Feeling sentimental tonight... Time seems to be going so quickly I want it to slow right down. 🤍

I want to say this: when I was in a very dark place around 6-8months postpartum with Alf... I found it really hard to see a way out.

And sometimes I'd voice that, both on and offline, and people would say things like:

"If you think this is bad, wait until... [negative]".

And honestly those comments very nearly broke me.

I was clinging on for dear life and being told it would only get worse meant not only could I not see light at the end of the tunnel, but I thought the tunnel was a dead end.

And when I was struggling during the second trimester of pregnancy with Ada due to Alf's run of 3am starts, my mind started to go dark again. Sleep deprivation took hold of me and I didn't know if we'd be able to cope.

And again, the noise came: "if you think this is hard, wait until..."

But here's the thing: it got better. So much better.

There are challenges and I know there'll be many challenges ahead - but it's more manageable. Tommy and I know how to work better as a team. We know how to call on each other when one of us is struggling (be it with sleep or meltdowns or whatever).

And more to the point: I'm not battling the same identity struggles that I did first time round (when we came out of lockdown). I mean, I still am a bit, but less so.

And the highs are wonderful. The days less monotonous.

Watching someone's personality form. Hearing them learn. Hearing their little voice.

It's amazing.

And the day Ada came, everything just started to make sense. All of it.

And so, whilst we should ALWAYS be able to talk about our own personal challenges with motherhood. We have to try not to project our experiences and challenges onto others with the 'just you wait...'.

Because not only will someone else's experience be unique to them (temperaments and differing circumstances etc) and they might not even experience the same challenges as we do

But we also don't know how much they need to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So I just want to say:
Just wait until it gets better. Until you make it through the tunnel. 💡🩵☀️

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